What to Look for in a Midlife Review
Hi friends! I’m an author of fiction and nonfiction, and this is a place where I lay down observations, stories, and heart for the second half of life. 🌿 Please subscribe for more posts and updates.
Yesterday I watched my two-year old son amble down our long driveway in Bonaire, Georgia to retrieve the newspaper for his father. On video—one that I’d never seen before—his dad captures the early spring morning, bright green lawn, and our son wearing a short-sleeved shirt. Back then, I was pregnant with my daughter, and probably sleeping in. I’m not in the video, and I’m mesmerized by this tiny morsel of life I missed the first time.
My son crouches down to pick up the newspaper and grasping the plastic bag, it slides out onto the driveway. He squats again to pick it up and sections fall to the pavement as he stands. He cannot grasp them all, the pages open and slip to the driveway. He gives up, walks back, and gets on his tricycle to try a different way to bring it back.
His dad says nothing, simply captures the scene, his two-year-old who is trying his best to help. My son has no judgement about his butterfingers with the newspaper. His father doesn’t laugh or rescue him right away like I might have. And here I am, twenty-four years later, feeling such gratitude—for the video that my ex-husband digitized and shared with me, for the privilege of being that little boy’s mother, for the time capsule of the good life I once lived.
When I rewrite my history with a broad brush, without the nuance of shadow and light, I diminish the full experience of my past. I close my heart to all that was, and is still life giving.
I’m taken back to my young-mother self, and as I watch it, I’m overcome with appreciation for that time, for my then-husband, for my little son and daughter-on-the-way.
It’s been many years since I lived on that street, in that house, in that marriage. Divorce (or any difficult life change) can tend to erase what was once good from our memories. But when I rewrite my history with a broad brush, without the nuance of shadow and light, I diminish the full experience of my past. I close my heart to all that was, and is still life giving.
Trauma & Gratitude
Today there’s a lot of talk of healing through the examination and assimilation of trauma; therapeutic work that lets us reclaim injured parts of ourselves to make us whole again. This makes a lot of sense to me, and God bless all the therapists and healers who help us deal with difficult times. But today I’m wondering too if the examination and assimilation of gratitude may also heal? What if we practiced reviewing the past through this lens too: an open heart to all that blessed and brought us joy? What if we spent time remembering what we and those around us did well?
I’d like to step over the transom of time and hug that sleeping, pregnant woman and tell her how great she’s doing. I want to make her and her family dinner, bring her flowers, and braid her hair.
In this moment, I’m struck by how much there is to feel grateful for. I’m sure this is true for you too. When you find yourself in a midlife review, collect the good also. Marvel over it. Steep yourself in it. Feel it. Give thanks.
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